many, many people are full of rage as a cleaning product I won’t name here just in case of copyright issues, has claimed it erases 100% of stains. But they’ve not read it completely as it sneakily says “…erases up to 100% of stains which, in truth, could mean only a tiny fraction of a stain, like 0000.0003%. They have a right to be angry therefore as it’s a con, but done so cleverly most people get home, eager to erase their stain 100%, only to find out the ‘magic’ eraser does very little and the stain remains. In fact, it looks worse, sort of grubby and smudgy – not a good look for those who live a clean life

I am egg. You are my best friend. You will take me to the circus and buy me the double-king size waffle with ice-cream and lemon curd and chocolate sauce. You will then take me to a supermarket, hold me up and make scary noises, like they’re coming from me. We will then go to the sunniest paddock and laugh at everything, including the milk bottles sitting on step. You like me better than anyone and build me a six poster bed at the rare times you are not taking me to places I want to go. You will NEVER like another egg the way you do I and you will show me off with pride to everyone and add adjectives that make me sound very cool so they all want me as their best friend too. I will constantly chatter about things like queues and how the trains are running and you will always listen attentively, not yawn, or let your eyes wander away from me. Let’s begin…